Write your blooming story!
I jumped off the cliff. I gave up my ‘secure’ means of earning a living in exchange for truly living my LIFE!
Truth be told, this has been a while in the making. I have been counseled, admonished, and lectured about the exigency of fully being in the business (now businesses). I set about to really jump off last year. This January though, is it. Today, January 23 is when I should have returned to work. So this blog post is so symbolic. I wanted to document the journey in authenticity with you guys.
I experienced so many emotions when contemplating this decision. I felt at first like I needed to transition in order to be a “real entrepreneur” and not a hobbyist. There was some shame in that analysis. “Why have you been doing it the wrong way for so long?” “You are not serious about this thing.”
Then I felt the pangs of purpose getting more and more unrelenting. I also experienced this deep need to have control over MY own time. To set my own schedule. To decide how I spend the hours and days with which God has gifted me. I feel so strongly about that. Then came the many thoughts steeped in Arithmetic and Permutations; “What if you can’t make your bills?” “What if things get horrible?” I wondered if I was being stupid, entitled, naïve or believing in pipe dreams. It’s amazing how powerfully paralyzing the thoughts in our own heads can be!
Even when I thought I decided for sure, I still instinctively clung to the ‘safety’ of the 9 to 5 concept. I feel like I was ‘helped’ by God to ultimately let go. Though I spoke of the thoughts in the past tense, I am still not free of the “OMG what on earth have you done” thoughts. But importantly, I am moving in my chosen direction despite these thoughts.
I feel refreshingly liberated and decreasingly scared. I will tell you why.
I am only here on purpose. Purpose is what guides me. I have come to trust it because it got me through Cancer. It got me through devastation probably equal in weight to cancer. It got me out of car crashes and life’s chaos. It was the thought that “God brought me here. I am His idea and so HE must know what for" that helped me to keep sane in tumult.
So with that as my compass I committed to my financial planning and calculations. And importantly also, my visioning of the life I want. I sketched and wrote and affirmed. I am still doing this.
It works! It is working as we speak.
After writing down that I wanted to be an author and perhaps more importantly after I STARTED to write, an opportunity materialized out of thin air! I got a message to call a colleague and mentor. She started with “Kamala, are you interested in writing?” (She had not seen the launch of the blog).
“I responded with a swift “Yes I sure am.” She said “Great!” She went on to tell me how she writes content for a noted Caribbean Magazine and is interested to bring me on to write for them also. Her reasons were just as providential as her intent.
Maybe the very day after posting my first blog, fellow entrepreneur Dean (of Bizniz Factory) calls me and invites me to speak at the February 18 seminar on entrepreneurship. Because purpose.
Last year when I realized I wouldn’t be able to jump off the cliff just yet, I experienced significant anxiety on my first day of returning to work. I had to defuse the anxious energy so I started to write my vision using my phone. I wrote “I want to have events/seminars/talks for women…I want a microphone and an audience…” among other things. Please explain to me how two days later Dionne and I are at the beach and she sees an opportunity on Facebook specifically seeking a psychologist who is not camera shy. Please explain to me how I end up being highly recommended, going to the audition and getting the call from the producers to say “So, Kamala we chose you!” I will testify fully on this soon. Suffice it to say it involves a microphone and an audience.
I know you are probably tired of reading this preface, but please explain to me how I get an email from a young woman who says she “happened upon my page” and is inviting me to be a speaker at a seminar entitled “Will to live, which will focus on helping people who are hopeless and may have lost the will to live.” (Future blog post coming up on why none of our experiences are wasted)
Another young woman invited me to speak to a group of young women in a rehabilitation centre.
Several opportunities not only to impact on purpose, but to earn, are coming to me. I am positively clear that when we say YES and mean it, then opportunities hunt us down and say YES to us also.
I will be back in this space sharing more of these providence moments because…purpose!
I declare today that I have not jumped off randomly to my demise. No. I have, as my friend Kaysha coined, “Jumped off into amazing!”
I will write another blog post with practical steps and considerations for starting…to tap into your purpose . Until then, start designing the life you want. Not the life that is practical. Not the life that is likely; but the life you want!
Kamala P. McWhinney is God's Idea. I am academic, I am creative,I am dreamer. My name is Hindu for Lotus. Given the beautiful symbolism of the Lotus Flower I have embraced it as a metaphor for my evolving, my surviving and my thriving.